Saturday, May 31, 2008

Shoebox / Schoenendoos

Reading Suki's blog brought me to Hopper's post: Why you can't trust people to tell their own stories.... Both posts made me think and I realized this was pretty complicated. A while ago my brother and I have sorted out old photos with my father. We divided everything in shoeboxes. To do so we had to look at all of them. And there you see your whole life pass in a few hours.But what's the story? What is true? I agree with Hopper that You will only show the part you want to. After taking pictures I delete the terrible ones and the ones I look bad on......... making the memory more beautiful than it is? Probably. The picture above hangs in my kitchen for years, it tells different stories. For others....A mother with a sweet girl......................... To me.........My mother who tried to make a lady out of me from the start. The start of a life full of mutual disappointment. I look at this picture nearly every week. The disappointment is gone, the guilt is still there. What a struggle. Now I know she meant well and she did the best she could and so did I. Toen ik Suki's blog las bracht dat me naar Hopper's post: Why you can't trust people to tell their own stories.... Beide stukjes hebben me aan t denken gezet en me laten inzien dat het nogal ingewikkeld in elkaar zit. Een poosje terug hebben mijn broer en ik foto's uitgezocht met mijn vader. Alles verdeeld in schoenendozen, je leven gaat dan door je handen in een paar uur. Maar wat is de waarheid ? Dit is maar een fractie, wat de ene foto de één zegt is voor de ander weer anders. Ieder heeft zijn eigen waarheid. Ik ben het met Hopper eens dat je soms iets laat zien van jezelf, iets dat je graag zelf wilt zien of laten zien. Vroeger verscheurde je slechte foto's nu delete je ze op de computer. Zodat de herinnering die overblijft iets rooskleuriger is. Deze foto hangt al jaren in mijn keuken. Hij verteld verschillende verhalen. Voor anderen...... een moeder met een lief meisje. Voor mij ..........mijn moeder die een dame van me wilde maken, het begin van een leven vol wederzijdse teleurstellingen. De foto hangt op het bord in de keuken, ik kijk er minstens wel één keer per week naar. Wat zegt de foto me nu? De teleurstelling is weg, het schuldgevoel niet. Wat een gedoe. Ik weet dat mijn moeder het goed bedoelde en haar best deed en ik ook.

9 comments:

  1. Marianne, what a touching post. Of things unsaid but fel. Love unsaid but felt. Love in general, love misunderstood. Love with condition until it transforms into unconditional love. Thanks for sharing this photograph, your feelings about it and the story.
    love
    Andrea

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  2. Andrea, thanks for your kind words!
    love >M<

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  3. yes a very touching post and at the same time full of wisdom and sound analysis...
    i love the way an idea travels through us in blogland ... carrying more consciousness and wisdom...
    this concept from Hopper to Suki and now you...Marianne...marvelous load!
    i feel i know you better now and think you are a great person... you had your journey and wanted your personal space... your own path .... and sure each person finds her/his path by her/himself... you should not be guilty...
    think you should be proud of yourself... because of all your struggles and endeavors.
    love to you and hugs.

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  4. yes a very touching post and at the same time full of wisdom and sound analysis...
    i love the way an idea travels through us in blogland ... carrying more consciousness and wisdom...
    this concept from Hopper to Suki and now you...Marianne...marvelous load!
    i feel i know you better now and think you are a great person... you had your journey and wanted your personal space... your own path .... and sure each person finds her/his path by her/himself... you should not be guilty...
    think you should be proud of yourself... because of all your struggles and endeavors.
    love to you and hugs.

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  5. what a wonderful post Marianne...so touching....and I just love that photo...I am thrilled that it hangs in your kitchen still...now I am heading over to my Mom and Dad's place this week to check out their big shoebox of memories....

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  6. what a lovely photograph....with pognant thoughts behind it....i believe that we all carry huge sacks of 'baggage' from our past...and yet we ARE our history...complicated? yes!(i don't have old photos of my mom anywhere as she hated me!) hugs and wfs.

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  7. One thing they taught me in the psychiatric section of nursing school is that we all do the best we can at any given moment. Whatever it is, and for whatever reason we possibly couldn't do better, is still the best we could do! You are right about that! I'm sure you both did the best you could! Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Especially when you forgive your own self! You are wonderful, Marianne! I think your Mom must have been doing quite a bit right, and you too!

    Hugs...Julie

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  8. OOOO lieverd,lees dit nu pas....
    En dan je moeder die op Germain zijn verjaardag tegen me zei"ze is lief he?"
    En ik zei ja ze is lief wat zijn wij mensen toch moeilijk in uiten Ruud's ma in haar laatste week Ruud is lief he?
    Waarom zei zijn Ma dat nooit daarvoor???
    xxxxMar

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